Diary of a Super Bowl winner!
By Mike Rizzuto
Sun Times Editor
It’s exactly 5:00 p.m. Sunday and the Super Bowl is about to kick off. The only way that I can stomach watching this game (that includes two teams that I hate) is if I have something riding on it. So my wife, Sharon, picked the Arizona Cardinals by a score of 28-21, while I chose the Steelers, 24-23. (She chose first, by the way.) The winner gets the meal of his / her choice, whatever and wherever that might be.
--5:12 p.m.--Steelers take the field. Camera pans the grandstands, and I think I see John Earl Bertrand cheering in the Pittsburgh section. Could it be? Nah, probably just another old geezer with a white beard (no offense, J.E.).
--5:20 p.m.--Some blonde lady (missed her name) sings “America”, and “Sully,” the New York airplane pilot hero, is recognized. Nice touch. Jennifer Hudson sings the National Anthem. Lots of gold earrings and bracelets on. Maybe she should consider selling that “scrap gold” for a few bucks? Maybe not!
--5:28 p.m.--Coin toss. Announcers inform me that NFC has won the last 11 or so tosses. Who cares? Useless statistics. Pittsburgh calls tails, General Petraeus flips it, and it’s heads. Now the NFC has won an even dozen tosses. Arizona defers, and the Steelers take the kickoff. Petraeus heads back to Iraq.
--5:33 p.m.--Pittsburgh returns the kickoff to their own 28. I take my medication, Sharon brings me a big glass of ice water, and I prepare for a long game.
--5:36 p.m.--Long pass complete to Hines Ward to Arizona 33. Yippee! Steelers moving.
--5:39 p.m.--Pitt QB Ben Roethlisberger pass complete to tight end Miller to the Cardinal one. First and goal!
--5:41 p.m.--Roethlisberger rushes for 1-yard TD, but Cardinals challenge TD run. One of the many reasons why baseball is the #1 sport.
--5:45 p.m.--TD ruled no good! Fourth down from the one-inch line and Pitt chooses to kick a field goal??? Are you kidding me?? You feel you can’t make one measly inch??? $$%%##!!!
--5:47 p.m.--Field goal good, 3-0 Steelers. What excitement! An 18-yard field goal...My heart rate is nearing 65.
--5:52 p.m.--Pet dog jumps on my lap and spills ice cold water on my crotch.
--5:54 p.m.--Cards have to punt. Steelers return to their 31. Ho hum.
--5:55 p.m.--First round of Super Bowl commercials not funny, but Steelers are rolling.
--6:03 p.m.--End of first quarter. Pittsburgh threatening and leading 3-0.
--6:05 p.m.--Man kisses chimp on lips on TV commercial. Beastiality on the Sabbath! Gross.
--6:11 p.m.--Pittsburgh scores a 2-yard TD! PAT is good, and I lead 10-0!
--6:13 p.m.--Funny commercials about an old lady chasing an ostrich, a Clydesdale horse retrieving a tree branch, and a Clydesdale romancing his true love to Marvin Gaye’s “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. Comic relief!
--6:23 p.m.--Arizona pass complete to Steeler one. Ball game again.
--6:24 p.m.--TD pass Arizona and PAT makes it 10-7. Wife starting to get too cocky here.
--6:45 p.m.--Arizona intercepts at Pittsburgh 35. Sharon shouts in a definite display of poor sportsmanship.
--6:55 p.m.--Arizona at the five, but Pittsburgh’s James Harrison intercepts the ball at the goal line and runs 100 yards for a TD! Longest play in Super Bowl history!! Steelers lead 17-7! Sharon leaves the room mad. Halftime.
--7:33 p.m.--Third quarter starts. Wife comes back to watch it.
--7:39 p.m.--Cardinals’ QB Warner fumbles to Steelers on controversial play. Bad news for Sharon if the play stands.
--7:42 p.m.--Refs overturn play, no fumble. That’s why I prefer baseball. No penalties and reversals. Oh well.
--7:55 p.m.--Steelers tack on a field goal from 27 yards away, but Arizona called for personal foul. First and 10 for Pitt at the Cardinal 4.
--7:59 p.m.--Field goal from 21 yards away is good. Steelers lead 20-6. I think I’ll dish my water for a Diet Sprite.
--8:03--End of third quarter. Wife is extremely quiet now. Hehehe!
--8:20 p.m.--Steelers go into the dreaded “prevent defense.” Cards move quickly to the Steeler 5.
--8:28 p.m.--Touchdown Arizona. Now 20-14. Run clock, run!
--8:34 p.m.--Pittsburgh can’t move and punts to Arizona. 5:54 left.
--8:40 p.m.--Arizona to the Pittsburgh 27. $$%%@@##!!
--8:43 p.m.-- Cards choose to punt??? You’re kidding me!!! They trail by six!!
--8:46 p.m.--Safety Arizona. Now it’s 20-16! Run clock, run!
--8:51 p.m.--$$##@@!! TD Arizona. Cards lead 23-20!
--8:58 p.m.--Steeler ball. 2:30 left. Move to Cardinal 7. TD pass! 27-23!!!!!
--9:13 p.m.--Cards fumble, game over! Steelers win 27-23! Yessssssssss!!
--Moral of the story: Father does know best. I’ll take boiled crawfish, please, and the wife will love that, too!